The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
