i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
