remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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