this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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