Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
