That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Couch. On fire.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
