I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
