I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
