good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
