No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
