i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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