I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
