So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize