Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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