I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
