so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
