well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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