Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
