i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
