We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
