just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
