Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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