Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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