Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
