i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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