is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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