I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
