You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
