I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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