I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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