had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
