I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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