I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
