I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
