make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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