ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
