Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
