I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My vagina just clenched in fear
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
