And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
