it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If I die, sorry about rent.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
