I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
