I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
