Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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