got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
