god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she smelled like a LAN party
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
