I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
