I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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