dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
