When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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