She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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