remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
