Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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