i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
