you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
