Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
