Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
