So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
