I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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