Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
