I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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