Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
