You just made me feel so damn special
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Four minutes until I can fart!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
