dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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