i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
