mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
