Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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