She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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