I love black thongs
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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