hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
