my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
