Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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