We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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