Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
soo... how was my night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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