She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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