STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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