You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
