your thong is hanging out like whoa
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
