please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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